Living Without (Hawks MC: Caroline Springs Charter Book 4) Read online

  Living Without Copyright © 2016 by Lila Rose

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any written, electronic, recorded, or photocopied format without the permission from the author as allowed under the terms and conditions with which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution, circulation or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly. Thank you for respecting the work of this author.

  Living Without is a work of fiction. All names, characters, events and places found in this book are either from the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any similarity to persons live or dead, actual events, locations, or organizations is entirely coincidental and not intended by the author.

  Editing & Formatting: Hot Tree Editing

  Photographer: Sara Eirew

  ISBN: 978-0-9944525-7-3

  Table of Contents

  Table of Contents

  Dedication

  Acknowledgments

  Disclaimer

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Epilogue

  Also by Lila Rose

  Candid Interview with Mason and his Rebels

  Dedication

  To MariaLisa deMora

  Having your Rebels men helping out the Hawks has been a true honour.

  I adore you, my friend. Thank you!

  Acknowledgments

  Thank you to everyone who has loved Nary and Saxon from the start, this book is for you. I hope you enjoy their story. xx

  Becky, thank you always for your belief in me. You kept me going when I struggled with such a hard story.

  To everyone in the Hawks street team, thank you for your encouragement and help!

  Disclaimer

  Warning: This book contains explicit sexual situations, violence, disturbing sensitive and taboo subjects, offensive language, and very mature topics. Recommended for age 18 years and up

  Chapter One

  NARY

  At the age of twenty, some would think I would have known what I wanted with my life. I didn’t. No, that wasn’t right. I knew where I wanted my career to go at least. What my mind was up in the air about was my love life.

  As I walked to my car, my thoughts wandered. It was only then I realised it was so late. The stars shone while the cool air held a scent of rain. I found myself glad my uni had enough lights around to spotlight the car park. I pulled my eyes down to my watch; I was late for my pizza date, and no doubt, Jerimiah would be worried. Especially when he found out I hadn’t left the media room with a group of people like I’d told him I would. Regret formed low in my belly, churning it. I’d wanted time alone to work on my assignment, so it was my own stupid fault for lying and becoming paranoid someone was watching me.

  Thinking of Jerimiah, a smile formed on my mouth and I couldn’t help but picture the time I’d met him. He had been in my business class; it had been the only one we’d shared together, and throughout it, he’d kept glancing over at me. Of course I noticed out the corner of my eyes, who wouldn’t, especially when the best-looking guy in there tried to catch my attention. As soon as I met his gaze, he’d smiled and waved. Then he’d actually blushed. I’d offered an attentive smile back and gazed back down to my work. It was the next class where I’d found the—usually free—seat next to me occupied by Jerimiah. My heart had skipped a beat and my stomach had started playing havoc, as if there was a stampede of tiny bulls running wild in there. As soon as I’d sat, he’d turned to me and introduced himself. From that day on, we’d become close, having coffee with each other, going to the movies, and spending hours studying together.

  This was despite Jerimiah being a part of the Venom MC, a club that brought my family’s MC club, the Hawks, nothing but trouble. I’d discovered about his membership two years earlier, but that hadn’t stopped us forming a relationship.

  It had been two weeks after Jerimiah and I had met and become friends—with a side of something else, something that warmed my belly—when I’d gone to the Hawks compound in search of either Josie or Low. I’d needed advice.

  I open the front office door to the side mechanical business at the compound, only to find the office empty. With a frown, I walk to the door that opens into the garage. Stepping out, I see Muff, a biker brother to the Caroline Springs Hawks charter.

  “Hey, Muff. Do you know if Low or Josie is here?”

  “Nah, babe. I think Josie is at uni and Low’s out with Dive somewhere.”

  “Nary,” is bit out behind me. Straightaway, I know who it is. I know his voice, regardless of the tone, anywhere. Though with me, it’s always growly, snappy, or short.

  Turning, I face Saxon. He’s the one man who takes my breath away, who stole my heart when I was sixteen, who is on my mind constantly. Even when he’s a prick to me, my heart doesn’t seem to care. Though my mind often tells me to forget about him.

  “Saxon?”

  “Office, now,” he clips before he turns and steps back into the office.

  Listening to my mind, which tells me to ignore his order and get out of there, isn’t an option, especially when my heart beats faster in his presence. It has me following him silently.

  Moving through the door, I stop just on the other side to find Saxon already near the front entrance with his arms crossed over his chest scowling at me. “Dodge wants to see you in his office out back.”

  My head jerks back. Why couldn’t he have told me that in front of Muff?

  When I realise that’s all he wants to say, my shoulders sag in defeat. He holds nothing in his heart for me, and I have to stop holding out hope for him. Looking to the floor, I nod, turn, and walk back into the garage. Anger has me slapping my feet on the concrete floor harder than usual as I stomp towards Dodge’s office. Another question slips into my mind. Why does Dodge want to see me in his office?

  Ignoring it, I come to the door and swing it open. My eyes widen when I notice it isn’t only Dodge in there, but other members fill the space and the room is thick with tension.

  “Nary?” Dodge asks.

  “Oh, um….” My eyes shift around the room, and a gasp falls from my lips. “You, you’re… no,” I whisper before turning and running back down the hall. Seeing Jerimiah standing in there, behind a man who looks like him wearing a Venom MC vest, slices hurt through me. Even in the two weeks I knew him, he could have said something.

  He hadn’t.

  I bolt through the garage, as someone calls out to me, but I ignore him and keep running, right outside. My chest hurts with the breath I try to gulp in from the shock and adrenaline pounding through me. With fast movements, I make it to my car and unlock it. However, before I get in, I look back to the garage
once, and I wish I hadn’t.

  Standing outside, leaning against the brick wall is Saxon and on his handsome face is a smirk.

  That day I finally realised Saxon and I would never be anything to each other.

  The knowledge had settled deep within my lower abdomen, causing it to churn with a hollowed sadness.

  I’d always hoped, always believed he would have eventually seen what we could have been one day.

  He’d known who I would see in the room that day. And he’d been happy my heart had hurt at the betrayal that had sliced through me from Jerimiah keeping something from me.

  The whole scene had angered me, and yet my heart still cared for Saxon.

  Honestly, I had started to consider my heart as a second person because my mind was on a different path to what my heart had felt. My mind was sick of my unrequited love for Saxon. Rejection stung. It wanted to move on, and it could with a guy like Jerimiah. Which was why I had been officially dating Jerimiah for the last four months. He’d come to my apartment two years ago, after that night I’d discovered he was a part of Venom and explained his whole situation of having a controlling father. He didn’t want to be with Venom, and he’d told me as soon as he could, he’d make the move to leave. From the time I’d already spent with him, I’d felt as though I could trust him, and his words. So I continued being his friend, until twenty months later when he’d kissed me one night. The touch of his lips had sent my body into a wave of desire.

  He was sweet, caring, rough, and just what I’d needed.

  He showed me I was worth something. His time and feelings.

  Even a part of my heart warmed to the idea of letting it all go to Jerimiah. He treated me right. He didn’t ignore me or look at me with disgust in his eyes. He didn’t think I was being a stupid girl with a small crush.

  Saxon had been hurtful on so many occasions, so why couldn’t I let my whole heart fall for Jerimiah and let go of what I tried to cling to for Saxon? I should hate him. He wanted me to. He tried to get me to in so many ways.

  Sighing, I unlocked my car door and tried to rid my thoughts of Saxon. Besides, I was heading home to meet with Jerimiah for a study date, which would probably end up in a make-out session. My boyfriend was sweet and very thoughtful. He was hot, as in smoking, and his smile always brought one of my own to my mouth.

  “Nary.” My name was yelled from across the yard. Looking up, I spotted Josie standing near the building, under the light, smiling wide and waving. I giggled to myself. Jerimiah had probably called her or one of her guys to make sure I made it to my car safely. Jerimiah had wanted to stay back with me, but I’d told him not to because I was safe at the always-bustling university, no matter the time of the day or night.

  Everyone who had a connection to the Hawks MC was more cautious because of Baxter Davis. He had it out for all members of Hawks and wanted us to pay in one way or another. I wasn’t sure why he had a vendetta against my Hawks family, but it was there, and until someone put a stop to him, we all had to be careful, making sure no one was alone.

  Still, I thought no one would be stupid enough to try anything at the university. As I looked to Josie and offered a smile and wave back, I noticed all the people walking or rushing around, either coming from the cafeteria or going out for the night. Just behind Josie, my eyes landed on Billy. He somehow saw my gaze and offered me a chin lift. What could have helped his view of me was the street lamp I’d purposefully parked under. My friend was one lucky woman having two men at her back. Two men who loved her so deeply, they were willing to share. She deserved happiness.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I yelled with another wave. I wanted to get in the car so I could get to my place and Jerimiah. My stomach growled at the thought of the delicious pizza. It also flipped at the thought of the man who would be waiting for me. Things were progressing well with Jerimiah and myself. We hadn’t moved to the final stage of the relationship. Something was holding me back from sleeping with him. Yet, we still fooled around and a thrill bubbled up inside me each time, even when the learning process was sometimes embarrassing. Still, Jerimiah was patient, and he enjoyed teaching as much as I loved experiencing.

  As I threw my bag across to the passenger seat and I was about to slide in myself, my name was screeched across the area. My gaze rose to see Josie running for me. Billy was on her heels and about to take over her as he reached into the back of his jeans and pulled a gun, pointed right at me.

  My eyes widened. A scream built in my throat, but it never erupted from my mouth because a hand covered it.

  My eyes connected with Josie’s. Fear. All I could see was fear. My stomach dropped in panic. My body trembled in terror. People roared in alarm as a shot was fired. My captor, a man, something I could tell from the large body behind me, cursed as I was roughly pulled down to the ground. A car’s engine revved high near us. I craned my neck back to try to get my mouth free. I couldn’t. Still, I screamed behind it. I kicked, grabbed hold of the arm holding me around the waist, and ripped into the skin with my fingernails. He swore and jolted me back and forth hard against him. “Stop,” he warned.

  Why wasn’t anyone doing anything?

  I heard more screams around me. People rushing our way. People running away. Another shot was fired. It pinged off the roof of the car just before I was pulled up and shoved inside. I yelled, kicking out at the man trying to get in after me. He grabbed my leg and bent it in a way that I cried out in pain.

  He shoved harder, and I scooted back and tried the other door. Even though the lock wasn’t in place, the door wouldn’t open. I growled in frustration at my attempt. I banged my fists against the glass. I screamed, cried, while tears ran freely down my cheeks.

  Nothing worked.

  No one helped me in time.

  The car sped away with me inside it.

  Frantically, I climbed to my knees. My hands went to the back window. Billy was there, standing in the middle of the road, lights shinning down on him. I saw the gun pointed right at us. Though he didn’t fire, no doubt worried it would hit me. His face crumpled in rage before he threw his hands up in the air and screamed. Josie ran onto the road and started for the car. I could no longer see her face clearly through my own tears and the darkness surrounding us, but I knew she would be feeling everything I was.

  Pure horror.

  My hair was grasped and my head tugged back. The man sitting next to me moved his face close to mine. He was in his early thirties, with a shaved head, a beard, and blue eyes that told me I was not in a nightmare. I was living one, and he would be happy to deliver some pain.

  “Sit the fuck down,” he bit out. “You’d better behave. I don’t have to deliver you fully intact,” he commented before he harshly pushed me back to my bottom in the corner of the car.

  “D-do you know who I am?” I asked on a whisper. Glancing to the man in the front driving the car, who drove like a crazy person, I saw his gaze flick to me. Hard, dark green eyes stared back for a second before they went back to the road.

  “Nope, and I don’t give a fuck. I was told to keep an eye on you, grab you when I could, so I did.” He eyed me up and down my body, a smirk spread across his face. “Boss Baxter knows when a good thing would pay and, honey, people will wanna pay big bucks for you.” He studied my face and abruptly asked, “How’d you get the scar?”

  “A gun shot.”

  “What happened to the person who gave it to you?”

  “He’s dead. Just like you will be if you don’t let me go. My family will do anything to get me back.”

  He scoffed. “Yeah? And who’s your family?”

  Sitting up, I jutted my chin out in fake bravado and replied, “The Hawks MC.”

  His gaze went to the driver’s in the rear-view mirror. The driver shrugged and my captor turned back to me. “Like I said, don’t give a fuck. You’ll be outta my hair and in my boss’ soon enough, and then it becomes his problem.”

  Licking my dry lips, I laughed without humour.
“If you think so. But I can tell you now, the men of Hawks harm everyone involved when taking what belongs to them. Everyone.”

  His jaw clenched. He shifted forward and pulled something from his back pocket. “You’re annoying me. Time to go bye-bye.” His arm shot out and I looked down as a taser was placed against my stomach. With one shock, I was out.

  Chapter Two

  DODGE

  My woman sat on the edge of my desk in my office at the garage. We’d just come from my room in the compound next door, and fuck, she had an I-just-had-the-best-sex-of-my-life look on her gorgeous face. Of course it was true; I was all male in the bedroom.

  “Handsome, I have to go get Texas and Rommy from Jason, so kiss me like it’s our last breath.”

  Smiling up at her from my seat, I reached my hand up, until my fuckin’ phone rang. “Hold that thought, little bird.” One hand went to her thigh, while the other picked up the landline with a brisk, “What?”

  “Fuck, fuck me, Dodge,” Billy chanted into the phone.

  Snorting, I quickly said, “You’re not my type.”

  “She’s been taken.”

  His words caused my body to stiffen. Low, sensing it, stood while I sank back in the chair and breathed out a growled, “Josie?”

  “No, Nary.”

  Standing abruptly, I ordered, “Christ. Tell me how in the fuck it happened and when?”

  “Uni, in the school car park just now. I wasn’t fuckin’ fast enough. I got my woman crying in my arms. I’m getting her to the compound.”